The True Ending of Death Note
by ThJo
Summary: Yeah, lame title. So, anyway, this is a collection of - hopefully funny - oneshots about how Death Note really should have ended. And beware: they contain SPOILERS.
1. Nightmare

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of it's characters.

**Nightmare**

Light was having a nightmare. He tossed around on the sofa, sweating and mumbling. In his dream, he was being tortured by L. The task force had finally become convinced that Light was Kira, and now he was completely at the mercy of his nemesis, enduring the worst kind of torture ever known to man: tickling. L was using a tickling-machine, a big monster that roared and thumped and had feather dusters protruding from everywhere, and L was laughing at him and taunting him and telling him that it was too late, he could just as well confess to being Kira, and then L started screaming Light's name… "Light! Light! Wake up!" But he couldn't wake up, because this was real and he was being tickled to death by his enemy and all was lost…

With a gasp, Light sat up abruptly. He looked around him, still lost in his dream, and saw L standing over him with a concerned look on his face and a feather duster in his hand. Light screamed. "No! No! Don't tickle! I confess! I am Kira! I'll confess to everything, just please don't tickle me…" He started to sob out of sheer fear. Then he saw the look on L's face. He looked… confused. Why should he be confused when he had just won over Kira?

Still sobbing, Light sat up and took a new look around. He was in the head quarters. The task force was there. They were all dressed in working clothes. Everyone held a cleaning apparatus. Apparently, they were spring-cleaning. They were all looking at him, astonished, like he had just started singing "Love is all you need" in a falsetto voice or confessed to being Kira or something equally unlikely. Actually, come to think of it… he just _had_ confessed to being Kira. In front of the entire task force, plus L.

Damn it.

...

Jupp^.^ Review? :)


	2. Memories

**Memories**

Light had triumphed. All he had to do was to write down Higuchi's name on the piece of Death Note hidden in his watch, and victory would be his. The feeling of success washed through his body. Grinning manically, he reached for the needle…

Suddenly the Death Note was snatched out of his hands. His memories disappeared like water in a desert. Blinking, Light looked to his side to see L turn the pages of the Death Note. If he didn't slow his pace, he would surely rip it to pieces. Light stroke his hair back, frowning. He had a feeling there was something he had forgotten. Something important. But since it was forgotten, he naturally couldn't remember what it was. He tried to concentrate. What…

Without warning, the Death Note was suddenly thrown at him again. L had apparently found what he looked for. Light gasped as the memories came flooding back. He was Kira! And now he had won. He reached again for the needle…

And then Matsuda ripped the Death Note from him, commanding to know what all the fuss was about. Light sighed annoyed and ignored the frightened wail. For one moment there he'd almost had it, but then his thought process was interrupted and it had slipped from him. So annoying! Perhaps…

Matsuda squealed like a girl and thrust the Death Note at Light. No, not Light! Kira! He was Kira! Light grabbed the needle. _Time to die, scum,_ he thought and laughed manically in his head. The laughter stopped abruptly as his father demanded to get a closer look at the Death Note. This was starting to get annoying. He almost thought he remembered, and then it slipped from him. He needed to concentrate, to get some peace, and perhaps then he could remember… and now his father wanted to talk to Higuchi, so he gave the Death Note to Light for safekeeping. Safekeeping! You idiot, you just gave the most powerful weapon in history to Kira! You're all dead, dead, DEAD…

"May I see too?" Watari asked from behind and grabbed the Note before Light got a chance to answer. Confusion hit him again with full force. Why was he laughing manically and ranting triumphantly in his head? He didn't have time for stuff like that, he needed to concentrate on the arrest… and couldn't just people give him some peace, now Watari was finished with the Note and wanted to give it to Light again…

Memories flooded back. Yes, yes, the world was his! Or would be his, if he could just get time to write. Just a minute, a small lousy minute to write down the name, was it so much to ask for? Apparently it was, because now L was approaching him again, he was stretching his hand out against the Death Note…

"NO!" Light roared and drew his hand out of reach. "Leave it alone! For heavens sake, I only need half a lousy minute to write down the name of this scum," he pointed to Higuchi, "and then the world will be mine! Mine! MINE! BOW BEFORE KIRA, YOU PATHETIC SUBJECTS! MOHAHAHAHAAAAA!" And he laughed his manic laugh again.

When L had gotten over the worst of the shock, he snapped the Death Note away from Light, who stopped laughing abruptly as his memories disappeared. "L!" he screamed. "I don't know what happened! Of course I'm not Kira! You know that, right? You would never…" L had a curious look in his eyes. Before Light really knew what happened, he reached forward and touched Light's cheek lightly with the Note. Light remembered. "RATS! SCUM!" he screamed. "Bow to your master, the lord of the world, your God! I'm…" L drew back his hand with the Death Note in. Light's eyes widened in shock.

"L! You know that isn't true! Kira is manipulating me, L! Please make him… GOD, I AM GOD! I'll kill you all! I'll write down all your names and kill you! You're at my mercy, all of you! I will not… Noooo! What is happening to me? I… AM KIRA! You've lost! Lost! Lo… He's manipulating me! You've got to understand… BOW BEFORE YOUR MAS… You know I'd never… I'M… manip… KILL, KI… L, _please…_ ETERNAL, I AM ET… I don't…"

As they took a cursing and screaming Light away, L desperately tried to control his laughter. He hadn't had so fun in years.


	3. Confusion

**Confusion**

"Near, victory is mine!" Light said and grinned triumphantly. Everyone cringed in fear, waiting for their end to come…

But it didn't.

"We… we didn't die… one minute passed… we didn't die!" Matsuda couldn't really believe it.

"Wh… why?" Mikami couldn't believe it either. "Why are they not dying… God… I… I did as you ordered me…" Light groaned silently. _Shut up_,_ fool! _he thought. He looked at Near's triumphant grin and clenched his fists. _This may still work… _

Suddenly the door to the warehouse was thrown open, making everybody jump. Everyone watched unbelievingly as Mello and Matt stormed in, guns in their hands.

"Freeze!" Mello shouted - completely unnecessarily, since nobody was moving. Light looked like somebody had jumped out and hit him with a pillow, and Near's face was for once not looking like it was made out of rock. He stared at Mello disbelievingly.

"But… but… you're dead," he stuttered. Mello grinned.

"Yeah, that was what you were supposed to think. In reality, it was all part of my plan. I mean, you didn't really think I'd sacrifice us," he made a sweeping motion to include Matt in his statement, "just to help you?"

"But how on Earth did you do it? It's impossible!"

"Not impossible. Actually, it was pretty easy. Escaping from Takada's bodyguards wasn't exactly the most difficult thing Matt's ever done, and the rest only took some brilliant thinking. Firstly, we made some copies of the Death Note. Then we substituted the Note Mikami was carrying with one of the false, so he couldn't do any more damage. But we knew that you would get suspicious if the Note you stole from Mikami wasn't real, so we broke into the Japanese HQ and substituted their Note, which we then placed in your care. But we didn't want you to have a Death Note either, so we broke in again and gave you a false one. Then it seemed like Mikami was getting suspicious, so we switched his Death Note with the one in the Japanese head quarter, but then we discovered that the one in the Japanese HQ had a tiny production mistake, so we substituted it before the task force could discover it. Then we switched the pages Takada had with some false pages, but we had to take those pages from the Death Note in your care, so we switched that with one of ours. Then it turned out that Takada hadn't gotten enough pages, so we switched the one you had with the one the Japanese task force had and took some pages from that one, and then we finally substituted Mikami's note with the one in the Japanese HQ. Quite simple, really," Mello shrugged. Everyone stared at him, looking like their eyes were about to fall out.

"Brilliant!" Light exclaimed.

"Why on Earth didn't I think of that?" Near said. Mello grinned.

"Exactly," he said. "And now," he pointed the gun at Near, "give me the Death Note." Near blinked, confused.

"What are you talking about? I don't have the Death Note, Light has!" "Don't play games with me…" Mello started, but was interrupted by Light.

"Me? Are you mad? I don't have a Death Note! Mikami has!"

"I have?" Mikami asked, confused, but he was interrupted by Near. "Mikami doesn't have a Death Note. Even suggesting that is idiocy."

"But," Matt chimed in, "I thought _we_ had the Death Note!"

"Matt, shut up," Mello moaned exasperated. "We don't have the Death Note!"

"Yes, you do," Light said.

"No, we don't!"

"You do, because…"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"I'm getting cramps," Matsuda complained and massaged his wrist.

"Shut up and continue to write," Light growled. He turned to Near.

"I've still won," he said. "Kira is always victorious!" And he laughed his manic laugh, just for good measure. Mello turned around from the staring competition he was having with Aizawa and gave Light an Evil GlareTM.

"YOU won?" he huffed. "Don't make me laugh. You couldn't have won even if we'd let you!"

"What?" Light snarled. "Off course I've won! I'm God! I'm…"

"Nope," Matsuda said and tossed away the notebook he'd been writing in, "not this one either." He reached for a new one.

"I don't believe this," Giovanni said and rolled his eyes. "Three of the greatest geniuses ever, and still you manage to lose the most dangerous murder weapon the world has ever seen." Three pairs of eyes glared venomously at him.

"We didn't lose it," Near exclaimed indignantly.

"This was completely calculated," Mello agreed.

"Just as I planned," Light nodded.

"Yeah, _right_."

"False," Matsuda said tiredly. Mikami sighed and walked up to him.

"You know, it is possible to do this much more effective. If you just…"

"Mikami, shut UP!" Light roared. He'd still not forgiven his loyal minion for screwing up. Mikami sent his fallen god a glare and walked over to sulk in a corner. A heavy silence filled the room.

"False."


	4. Glomped

A/N: It's been _ages_ since I've updated anything! I blame school for ruining my creativity ;P

So, this is a very short story I wrote some time ago, forgot about because I thought it was bad, discovered again and decided to publish it because, well, because. It's probably still bad, sorry about that -.- Hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway :)

**Glomped**

When Light finally managed to locate L, he was standing on the roof, admiring the view. The sight was a strange one – two days ago, L would have been far too busy to even consider taking a break. Now, however, Higuchi was dead, Kira hadn't killed any new criminals (yet), and all there really was to do was to interrogate Rem while waiting for Kira to make his next move.

Of course, what L didn't know was that Kira was actually in the HQ with him. Light knew, obviously, but that wasn't information he intended to share with the detective. Very, very soon, L would be dead, and then Kira's teachings would rule the world. All of Light's dreams were very quickly becoming true. Just a few more days, and he would be ready to put his plan into action.

L turned around when he heard Light walking over the roof, then turned back again, disinterested. Light came to a stop beside his nemesis, and for a moment, they both stood there without saying anything, just watching the sun's last dying rays over the city.

"Why are you standing up here, all to yourself?" Light finally asked.

"I'm not all to myself. Light-kun is here."

"Well, yes, but I wasn't here a moment ago." L was silent for a long time, and Light thought he wasn't going to answer at all. Then he said,

"Why is Light-kun up here?"

"I was looking for you."

"Why?"

"No special reason." Again, they stood in silence.

"It's a beautiful sunset," Light finally said. L didn't bother answering.

"When I see sunsets like this, it makes me think of a cottage we had. It was by the sea. We used to travel there every summer when I was a kid. Then my dad got so busy with his work, so we didn't have enough time anymore. I kind of miss it… " Light's babbling was suddenly interrupted by a loud scream from behind. Light and L both turned around, shocked, and saw Misa running against them.

"LIIIIGHT! Misa has been looking everywhere for you! Misa sneaked into the building because she was so desperate to see her Light! Misa has missed you sooooo much!" And with that, Misa threw herself at Light and hugged him.

This would, from Light's point of view, have been a bad idea under any circumstances. And when he was standing on the edge of the roof of an extremely tall building, it suddenly turned into an exceptionally, catastrophically, amazingly bad idea. "Misa, no…" he started. Too late.

L looked over the edge of the roof. "Ooops," he said. Then he walked back inside to tell Yagami-san that his son and said son's girlfriend had died a most sudden and tragic death, and it if the killings didn't resume it was 100 per cent certain they were the first and second Kira. Also, L would want to search their rooms.

Whistling happily to himself, L went to raid the fridge for cake.


	5. 5 But it was only a joke!

**A/N:** So! New chapter! Yays! :D

I got the idea from this after talking to Shinju Hikari about writing April Fool's Day-fics. Thank you! ^.^

Rightey... on with the story! :)

* * *

"M-I-H-A-E-L K-E-E-H-L… his real name is Mihael Keehl!"

Mello desperately tried not to let the shock show on his face. What was this? How could Soichiro Yagami know his true name? It was impossible! Unless… his train of thought was brutally cut off as Yagami started speaking again.

"Mello… Mihael… I'm sorry, but we cannot allow you to live."

Back in HQ, Light smirked triumphantly. _Yes… just as planned… _

Mello felt time stop as he watched Yagami quickly start writing his name down. He desperately tried to come up with some sort of plan. It didn't matter what, he needed _something_. He couldn't activate the bomb – after all, what would be the use of that? The explosion would kill him just as surely as the Death Note would. He couldn't shoot Yagami – his gun was too far away. For the first time in his life, Mello felt powerless. He was going to die, and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing. He watched as Yagami finished writing and looked up at him with an almost apologetic look. Sorry? Yagami felt sorry for him? The bastard just killed him! Mello glared back, gritted his teeth and waited to die.

Back at HQ, Light was busy ranting triumphantly in his head. As 20 seconds passed, however, he stopped and concentrated on what he could hear in his earplugs. Okay, so maybe he couldn't _watch_ as Mello died, but at least he could hear him. Light smirked, waiting for his enemy to draw his final breath.

And waited.

And waited.

And _waited_.

"…how long does it take before that damn thing works, anyway?" Mello asked. Not that he was impatient to die or anything, but this was starting to get boring.

"I don't understand…" Yagami said. "You should have died by now! I don't under…"

Suddenly, the door burst open, making both Mello and Soichiro jump. They stared, dumbstruck, as Ryuk jumped through it. "Ta-daaa!"

"…who's that?" Mello asked.

"That's Ryuk, our shini… wait, you can see him? Without touching the Death Note?"

"'Course he can," Ryuk shot in. "I just lifted the spell."

"…"

"…?"

"The invisibility spell!"

"…"

"…"

"…ya know, the one that made it impossible for anyone who hadn't touched the Death Note to see me?"

"…"

"…"

"Fa… Yagami-san! What's going on?" Light said. Then, suddenly, he looked up and discovered who was standing in front of him. "Aaaah!"

"Hello, Light," Rem grinned.

"But you're dead! You died when you killed L and Watari with the Death Note!"

"…spell? I thought it was the power of the Death Note!" Soichiro said to Ryuk.

"The Death Note? How stupid… the Death Note doesn't work!" Rem and Ryuk said simultaneously.

Everything went quiet. Really quiet. Like, _really _quiet. Even the caterpillar sitting on the wall of Mello's HQ stopped its aimless wanderings and stared at Ryuk in shocked silence.

"WHAT?" Light screamed, making the task force wince as the sound was broadcasted over their earplugs. " Of course it works! I've… I mean, Kira's killed countless with it! How can it not work?"

"Ah, but Light, that's where you're wrong. You didn't kill all those people. We did," Rem said.

"With our super-awesome Death God Powers!" Ryuk chimed in.

"What do you… wait, why can I hear what Ryuk is saying?"

"Telepathy. Another power of ours. The whole task force, Mello, and you, Light, are now connected with each other (and us) through your minds. Oh, and Near also, by the way."

"Hi," Near said.

"…" Light said.

"So, if the Death Notes don't work… who killed all those criminals?" Mello asked.

"We did!" Rem said.

"With our…"

"…super-awesome…"

"Death God Powers!" the two shinigami sang happily.

"But… but… why?"

"Ah, well, you see, there is a very simple reason for that."

"?"

"APRIL FOOL!" the shinigami screamed joyfully, before they grinned happily at the humans before them.

Light felt his world crumble to pieces around him. How could this be true? He stared into Rem's cat eyes while he tried to think of something, _something_, to say, something to describe the turmoil inside of him.

"…Ryuk," he said at last.

"Yes?" the shinigami answered cheerfully.

"…it's the 10th of November."

* * *

**A/N: ** Happy 1. April! :D


End file.
